From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: School mascots
Newsgroups: scruz.general, ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/02
Up here in the Russian River Ridges, banana-slug country supreme, the
riverrat town of Goonieville [er, Guerneville] used to hold an annual
SlugFest with music, booths, etc, and a cooking contest judged by
local DJs. Since discontinued. Bother. Anyway, at one of the later
Fests, a food entry was submitted, Banana Slug Cream Pie, consisting
of live sluggies in a graham-cracker shell covered with whipped cream.
And a brave yet insane woman, judging the contest, actually tasted
this, becoming AFAIK the only known human to voluntarily eat live
banana slugs. And smile. Grimly.
Now G'ville sticks to its Leather Festival, and here in Forestville
we've adulterated Poison Ivy Days with berries and wine, and it's just
not the same. At least in Joshua Tree they still do their Desert
Tortoise Races on 4 July.
Ric "I'll take that slug al dente, please" Carter, drsb@klaxo.net
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Northerly (was: Mis-addressed mail)
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/04
The Sonoma Cownty correspondent is now online.
Some bona fides: I've lived in higher coast ranges, a chicken commune
about midway between Ukiah and Mendocino; and above Lake Arrowhead in
the San Boogaloo Mtns, a mile over the L.A. Basin [toilet bowl]; and on
a hill above 29 Palms, in wonderful desert mtns; and now here above
the vineyards but below the sinsimella plantations. All places with
bad or nonexistant TV reception. Yow.
Just call me Ric "In Forestville, high above the Russian River" Carter
Up here, backup transportation consists of canoes, rafts, kayaks, etc.
A guy at the bottom of my hill has a long surfboard with a weedwhacker
engine bolted on as an outboard - he cruises the floodwaters on that.
On wet days you can surf or raft the access roads and driveways.
A couple years ago Forestville was the 2nd-wettest place in the Lower
48 states, had 82" of rain. The wettest was a few miles downstream -
Cazadero, with 86". Now Caz is over 100" already, and the season [and
El Nino conveyor-belt of storms] ain't through yet.
Folks living along the river either 1) drown, 2) move, or 3) jack up
their houses on stilts and rent out the downstairs to poor schlubs who
can't afford anything better. The floating population decreases.
Some of us are fortunate, housed atop nice solid rocks - the geologist
across the road sez this is the most solid, slideproof, quakeproof
place within many miles [I didn't even feel Loma Prieta, whilst folks
along the riverside were all shook up]. Others live on or below
slidey hillsides, in The Canyons [Rio Nido] and other newspaper-lot
villages. With enough warning, the more mobile homes are hauled out
of their sumps and the higher roadways become extended trailer parks.
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Northerly (was: Mis-addressed mail)
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/06
SONOMA COWNTY (SCNA): This has been a bumper year for the firewood
crews, what with all the downed trees, but now it's late in the season
and about all that's left is apple, not the greatest stuff for those
29°F nights, but it's cheap [$150/cord] and worth every damn penny.
* * *
We've had the rain soak the soil thoroughly, sending ants up into
every house around, and now the cold snap is driving the Sasquatches
down from the hills - a trio were found dumpster-diving behind the
Goonieville Safeway and could only be enticed away with dollops of
squirrelburgers and hashish. A sticky confrontation was avoided.
* * *
The strong winds a couple weeks back played havoc with the Scartop
Ranch spread over on Cazadero Ridge. A 150-foot redwood crashed down
onto their meth cooker, 16 grow-lights were destroyed, and a hen with
her tail to the wind laid the same egg nine times. Quite a mess.
* * *
After a flash-flood in the March 1995 storm took out the Crippled
Gulch bridge on Upper Sweetwater Ridge Road, the county roads dept.
put up a DANGER - BRIDGE OUT sign. But since then nobody's gone over
the edge, so last week they took the sign down.
* * *
A few days ago KEITH RICHARDS showed up in Comptche for a recovery
party for some old friends there. It's reported that he was around
back of their sand-candle shed, heeding nature, when he was struck by
a Mendocino Brown rattlesnake. Medical help was called immediately,
but it was no use - within a half-hour, that snake was dead.
* * *
KEITH later said: "(sniff) Any bug that ever bit me, died. (sniff)"
On 5 Mar 1998 14:50:42 GMT, glena@armory.com (Dirt Devil) wrote:
>In article (34fdb04f.175365722@news.sonic.net),
>ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net) wrote:
>>
>>I'm so relieved. Hey, I even biked from S.C. to Zayante - three
>>times! On an old 10-speed Huffy, back BMB [before mountain bikes].
>>G'z, what a guy'll do for sex and food, eh?
>
>From my experience, a guy'll do almost anything for either.
That's about right. Travel far, wait long, suffer much... until we
learn the tricks, of course. Then it's easy. Well, easier, anyway.
WILL DEPROGRAM FOR SEX - HOT MOONIE BABES PREFERRED - NO AUMs PLEASE
>>I've lived... on a hill above 29 Palms, in wonderful desert mtns; and
>>now here above the vineyards but below the sinsimella plantations.
>>All places with bad or nonexistant TV reception. Yow.
>
>Mentioning the desert mountians reminds me -- we lived for about a
>year in Banning -- up in the mountians, there. It was kinda kool. I
>used to think of desert as sand. That was a most beautiful area.
If you're driving through at 65 mph it's all just a stinkingdesert.
If you slow down, walk down the washes at sunrise sniffing the Larrea
tridentata and watching closely, it's a whole different place. Of
course just down the road from Banning are the freeway dinosaurs,
which can liven up almost any dull conversation.
>It had plenty of sand, though. <...> It was such a painfully long
>drive that I decided to chance the freeway on the way back.
>Big Mistake(tm). Took all of the paint off of the front of the car.
>I fared better than a lot of people, though. Many got stuck in the
>sand and had their cars completely sandblasted. White windows and all.
I'd see the cars that'd broken down between the Morongo Grade and Palm
Springs, stuck by the road, totally sandblasted down to bare metal and
tire rims and windowframes. It's brutal in Whitewater Pass, it really
is. Whenever the weather report was AIRBORNE SAND, I'd tarp every-
thing of value - car, cycle, house windows, dog. She resented that.
>In a sand storm, the only way that I could tell where the roads were
>was by staying between the power poles.
If you're driving in a sandstorm, it's already too late.
Ric "but in 29 Palms I missed the fog" Carter, drsb@klaxo.net
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Northerly (was: Mis-addressed mail)
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/07
On 5 Mar 1998 14:50:42 GMT, glena@armory.com (Dirt Devil) wrote:
>In article (34fdb04f.175365722@news.sonic.net),
>ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net) wrote:
>>
>>My only highs these days are two each of sudafeds and Joe Weider
>>Fat-Burners. And NyQuil. Bother.
>
>Well, as long as you pay the government fees, I'm sure that Big Bro'
>won't come down on you too hard.
Well, it's not like I'm moonshining the NyQuil...
Not long after I moved to the River, we had two 100-YEAR FLOODS in two
months. Now there's less crap left to wash away. Except propane tanks.
SONOMA COWNTY (SCNA): A six-year-old boy was suspended from school
in Windsor for a month for bring unauthorized drugs to class. He was
caught trying to share-around his Flintstones Vitamins during his
first-grade class's Ritalin dispensing period. An appeal for rein-
statement has been filed with the Dept. of Futility Dept.
* * *
SC 5th Dist. Supervisor ED REILLY is hosting a series of flood-relief
seminars at the Goonieville Community Center for victims of the Rio
Nido mudslides. The first session is for those who have already been
evacuated; the second, for those wishing to be evacuated before the
next storm; and the third, for those whose neighbors will do anything
to have them evacuated, forcibly if possible.
* * *
Plans to pave the Russian River from Windsor to its mouth at Jenner,
possibly with a multi-level freeway to be built atop the channel, have
been halted due to a lack of gravel available from the Kaiser quarry
above Trenton. All the gravel was washed away in the recent floods.
* * *
Rafting season on the Russian River begins soon, and shark-spotters in
Goonieville, Hacienda and Forestville are already wiping binoculars in
anticipation of another glorious year of bloody carnage. At the mouth
of Austin Creek below Cazadero it's expected that pumas will also make
a fair catch of "raft-rats". Last year a number of French, German and
Japanese rafters/kayakers contributed to the upkeep of our carnivores.
* * *
Wary locals canoe here surrounded by mannikins on surfboards as bait.
Ric "all the newz that's fit to spit" Carter, drsb@klaxo.net
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Pioneers [was: I think somebody has a....]
Newsgroups: scruz.general, ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/08
On 7 Mar 1998 16:01:23 -0800, thompson@adobe.com (Ross Thompson) wrote:
>In article (34FF2624.B72EF401@bogus.com), Art (art@bogus.com) wrote:
>>
>>Well said. I've always likened living in the hills to life in the
>>pioneer days.
>
>Ya right. You must be thinking of the pioneers who moved into
>pre-existing homes with running water, cable tv, electricity, mail
>delivery, and drove a 30 minute commute to Santa Cruz.
Up here in west Sonoma Cownty the "pioneers" built on desirable
Russian River-front property that has since been scoured clean by
repeated floods, whilst the procrastinators watched, observed, and
decided to live at greater elevation, but with 60-minute commutes to
San Rafael. Another distinction is that the oldtimers have their
firewood hauled in by Two Guys With A Big Truck Inc. while newbies
just get crates of fuel [for their pellet stoves] shipped by UPS.
Then there's "haves" and "have-nots" re: satellite dishes. Newbies
watch CNN and The Weather Channel for flood and road-closure reports
until the power fails; old-timers tune to KSRO-AM for as long as they
can stomach it, and brag that they don't *really* mind the scratchy
reception of VIPER and HIGHLANDER reruns on KFTY-TV, the only stuff
that penetrates the hills. Then they have another drink/puff/snort.
You can always tell a West Cownty person by their fungus-covered
pickup, the double-headed axe in the rifle-rack, and the Bargain Card
from Russian River Video ["100 Rentals For $75!!"] in their shirt.
Other pioneers here recall when the Cotati Police Dept. used Mazdas
for patrol cars, and one town zoning commissioner always wore Michelin
sandals, a sackckloth robe, and a paper bag over his head. At least
he talked more sensibly than the guys in suits did, even if his voice
was a little hard to hear. Because of the bag, of course. All the
others would lie with careful enunciation while pocketing bribes.
Then there were the pioneering days at Lou Gotleib's Morningstar
Ranch... but I'll save that account for another time. Ciao.
SONOMA COWNTY (SCNA): Folks at the north end of Rockpile Road were
surprised to find their ranches moved across the county line by last
week's slippage of Buckeye Mtn. Mendocino County tax assessors have
been unable to arrive yet, due to the mysterious disappearance of the
Elkhorn Road access, so reevaluation of those properties will likely
have to wait until the weather clears and the slippage stops.
* * *
Sonoma County 5th Dist. Supervisor ED REILLY quickly filed a formal
complaint with his Mendo. County counterparts, claiming that their
overnight annexation of the relocated Rockpile Road area violated
state provisions for the equitable distribution of gasoline tax funds.
No hearing date has been set yet. ED is sharpening his machete.
* * *
A joint DEA/BATF task force stormed the Scartop Ranch spread over on
Cazadero Ridge last week. Three acres of sinsimella were confiscated,
along with two flare pistols, a smudge pot and a Mexican War cannon.
The hens were so frightened that they've started laying cammo eggs.
* * *
Eckankar recently moved their offices out of the small building on
Farmer's Lane they've long shared with the John Birch Society. The
local EckMeister said he could no longer stand the "weird" people
constantly looking for the American Opinion Bookstore and asking for
manuals on explosives, false IDs, net hacking and the Illuminati.
* * *
Gearing up for the coming electoral season, the county Republican
Party has relocated their campaign headquarters to the Grog Shop on
Santa Rosa Ave. The county chairwoman had no comment on the move.
* * *
The largest brass-domed Buddhist temple on Tin Barn Road was struck by
lightning several times yesterday. Three novitiates claimed to have
been rapturously enlightened, and moved out. No damage was reported.
* * *
The barber in Stewart's Point reports increased head-shavings lately.
Ric "without freedom of speech I might be in a swamp" Carter
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Pioneers [was: I think somebody has a....]
Newsgroups: scruz.general, ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/09
On Mon, 09 Mar 1998 07:56:47, Christine Cockey (cockey@aim.com) wrote:
>ric carter wrote:
>>
>> Up here in west Sonoma Cownty the "pioneers" built on desirable
>> Russian River-front property that has since been scoured clean by
>> repeated floods, whilst the procrastinators watched, observed, and
>> decided to live at greater elevation, but with 60-minute commutes...
>
>Down here, the hillsides that don't move are mostly taken, and people
>are putting new houses into some scary places. Some require extensive
>engineering to stay put in normal conditions. Of course, that is when
>they are built right. After the Loma Prieta shaker we had a scandal in
>Scotts Valley when a bunch of new houses had lots of damage. It turned
>out that the local inspectors were on the take from the local builders.
When I lived in (in)Sanity Cruize 20 years back, I remember the furore
over new hill-houses, all being built on slopes at the Angle of Repose
or greater - I imagine most of those bit the mud in '89. Development
was being pushed by the usual rightwing gang of greedheads. Reminds
me of the situation around my old place near Chiloquin OR, off Klamath
Lake between Klamath Falls and Crater Lake. There, you could get ANY
proposed building or development site approved - mudhill, floodplain,
wherever - by donating a case of scotch to the inspector. The local
brand of corruption was pretty cheap and cost-effective, eh?
Ric "the finest public officials money can buy" Carter, drsb@klaxo.net
Download a free Voice Stress Analysis lie detector. The enemy hates it
when you do that! >>>>>> http://mypage.direct.ca/p/pbdennis/ <<<<<<
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Wet and Wild
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/10
*** U.S. has warmest, wettest Jan.-Feb. ever
The first two months of 1998 were the warmest and wettest on record
for the lower 48 U.S. states, based on 104 years of weather data, the
National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said Monday. "These
record-breaking statistics are generally consistent with both a
strong El Nino and climate model projections of a continuing trend
toward a warmer and wetter world as greenhouse gases continue to
increase," said Tom Karl, senior scientist at the NOAA's Climate
Prediction Center. The national average temperature during the
January-February period was 37.5 degrees F, compared with a normal
32.1 degrees, the NOAA said. The previous record was 37.0 degrees in
1990. See
http://www.infobeat.com/stories/cgi/story.cgi?id=2553264754-a8f
Ric "just passing it along" Carter, drsb@klaxo.net
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Wet and Wild
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/11
SONOMA COWNTY (SCNA): March is finally shaping up, as months go. A
raingage north of Willits has recorded precipitation on every day of
1998 until this week. Now the blooms and potholes abound, and we seem
to be drying out - or, the El Nino-driven rains might cycle through
for another month or two. Pick your forecaster and take your chances.
* * *
DAVE McGAINLY's ranch above Horseshoe Cove is sinking. DAVE says that
his house, barn, curing shed, garden and leachfield have all subsided
at least two feet in the last 2 weeks. He attributes this to "the
edge of the continent breaking off and falling into the ocean, just
like in THE LAST DAYS OF THE LATE GREAT STATE OF CALIFORNIA. It's
starting, and we'd better bail out while we can!"
* * *
Community opinion on McGAINLY's plight is mixed. Your reporter
gathered these responses from customers at the Stewart's Point Store:
*
R.S., Stewart's Point: "He's nuts. He's always been nuts."
A.M.G., Tin Barn Rd.: "He's got bad Fung Shui, his buildings are
all oriented wrong, the earth spirits are reclaiming that place."
A.V., San Francisco: "How much will he sell out for?"
G,. Fisk Mill: "Dude, he's just downhill from my outflow, with the
chems I'm putting out I'm surprised his whole ranch hasn't dissolved
or levitated by now. Hey, you want a quantity of righteous crank?"
F.N., Sea Ranch: "Horseshoe Cove? Where's Horseshoe Cove?"
D.W., Gualala: "Don't say that! I've got five properties listed
around there, and they'll never move if these rumors... Say, you're
not going to print this, are you. Oh sh!t. You better not!"
D-M.S, Fort Ross: "That's happening all over now. Best get ready."
* * *
The pride of Sasquatch reported in Goonieville a few days ago have
been seen in the Austin Creek park area heading north, and not a
moment too soon according to the G'ville homeless community. "Those
buffs [Big Ugly Fat F*ckers] were scamming the dumpsters before any of
us people could could get to'em," groused one permanent transient.
* * *
A new pirate radio station has gone on the air, broadcasting from the
vicinity of the old Boy Scout camp near Cazadero, and can be heard
around 1650 KHz most nights when the wind isn't too strong for the
balloon holding the antenna wire up. If you hear Grateful Dead music
played backwards and NOAM CHOMSKY lectures, that's probably it.
* * *
A gaggle of killer geese escaped from the Exotic Farmworks compound on
Ross Valley Road near Graton and headed west into the hills. Two were
found impaled on hybrid long-spine opuntia at the Great Occidental
Desert And Devensive Perimeter Nursery. An unnamed source at GODDPN
said, "We usually get a few birds and squirrels stuck in the Pain &
Terror bushes, but these are the first geese we've seen here. They
looked like they was stalking the quail."
* * *
The carcass of a grainfed calf was found nearby, with goose-droppings.
Ric "truth is what you make of it" Carter, drsb@klaxo.net
Download a free Voice Stress Analysis lie detector. They hate it
when you do that! >>>>>> http://4bypass.com/truthvsa.html <<<<<< >
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Pioneers [was: I think somebody has a....]
Newsgroups: scruz.general, ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/18
DISPATCH FROM SONOMA COWNTY (SCNA): Davey's Tree Service is finishing
up the last of the limb-trimmings and trunk-truncations for damage
from the winter storms. The sounds of their powersaws is fading into
the distance; and since the summer crowd of tourists hasn't driven in
yet, this is the quiet season on the Russian River. 'Til May.
* * *
Reminds me that last October I drove through Roswell NM looking for
ETs etc. but the only aliens I saw were Japanese, French and German.
I guess I caught them at a stopever along their annual migration route
from California to wherever.
* * *
River sharks still haven't put in their appearance at Johnson's Beach
in Goonieville, as it isn't canoe season yet. But a few were seen
whipping around their spawning grounds on the upper forks of Russian
Gulch, and they seem excessively fast. GONZO from Scartop Farms on
Caz Ridge thinks he might flushed a bit too much meth into the Gulch
drainage during the last BATF raid. "With the quality we've been
getting, those boogers'll be a bitch to evade," he opined.
* * *
The 5th annual Turf'N'Surf Suicide Bike-a-thon is set for the 2nd
weekend of April - tough twisty roads from Healdsburg to Stewart's
Point to Jenner to Forestville to Healdsburg. The boys down at Club
Forestville are already sharpening their Ben-Hur hubcaps and dreaming
of the spandex pelts they'll bag this year. 'Muck' MacGEUN still brags
of the 5-header he scored along Wolf Creek in '95. "And I'd'a made it
6 if that dwarf hadn't hit the water," he said, downing another mickey
of white port and taking aim at a passing unicyclist.
* * *
Old-timers in Sonoma Cownty still mourn the passing of the Brass Ass
Saloon, with branches in Cotati and Montgomery Village, and the annual
Ass-To-Ass marathon run between them. The optional Half-Ass one-way
run was especially popular, with the last arrival winning a full keg.
* * *
People driving past the old quicksilver mine on Sweetwater Springs
Road at night report sounds of activity from the condemned site. UFOs
are suspected, although locals say it's just the Kobolds returning.
* * *
As the water level receded in the Laguna de Santa Rosa last week, the
wreckage of SISTER SUE, a salmon boat out of Half Moon Bay reported
missing in January, was found under the Occidental Road viaduct.
Investigating Sonoma Cownty sheriffs were disappointed at not having
any suspects to shoot. No salvage rights have been claimed yet.
* * *
This is probably the end of the storm-reports season. Just as well.
And that's the latest news from Sonoma Cownty., where all the men are
dazed, all the women are hairy, and all the river-rats are mutated.
Ric "dit-tit-dit dah-dah-dah dit-dit-dit" Carter, drsb@klaxo.net
Download a free Voice Stress Analysis lie detector. They hate it
when you do that! >>>>>> http://4bypass.com/truthvsa.html <<<<<< >
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Pioneers [was: I think somebody has a....]
Newsgroups: scruz.general, ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/19
On Thu, 19 Mar 1998 03:06:28 GMT, cauce.nospam@vo.cnchost.com wrote:
>See ye here, drsb@klaxo.net (ric carter) crafted the following words:
>
>>And that's the latest news from Sonoma Cownty., where all the men are
>>dazed, all the women are hairy, and all the river-rats are mutated.
>
>What a GREAT addition to ba.mountain-folk! What did we do to get lucky enough
>to have you join our little newsgroup? What ever it was, I hope our luck holds!
Well, it certainly wasn't the bribes. Nothing valuable or obscene has
yet arrived at Box 888, Forestville Ca 95436 - but I'm patient. Or *a*
patient. Whatever. Reminds me of the time I'd bicycled to Zayante to
see a girl, but when I got there she'd just fallen from a tree, landed
on her head, and she was never the same. But I digress. Ciao.
Ric "the code is willing but the chips are weak" Carter
Download a free Voice Stress Analysis lie detector. They hate it
when you do that! >>>>>> http://4bypass.com/truthvsa.html <<<<<< >
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Redwood Trees for Sale
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/03/27
SONOMA COWNTY (SCNS): Those of us with old leg and other fractures are
all groaning tonight, so another low-pressure system must be moving
in. We can hardly wait until summer, so we can complain of droughts
and fire conditions instead of our aching breaks and fungus farms.
* * *
ED "Mucho Minnows" MINKOWSKI, the honorary mayor of Comptche, walked
into Dave's Cycle Repairs & Hog Heaven and picked up a crank assembly
that DAVE had just finished welding. Then he put it down again, very
quickly. DAVE grinned, "Burned yourself, didn't ya." "No," replied
Hizzonner, "it just don't take me very long to inspect 'cycle work."
* * *
An underground faction of the Cloverdale municipal gov't voted last
night to dynamite the recently-completed section of US 101 that
totally bypasses the town. Support expected from the Chamber of
Commerce was not forthcoming, as the CoC closed its doors last week
due to lack of business. Nobody was around to notice.
* * *
"F*cking Cloverdale is gonna dry up and blow away" said Ms. HARMONY
SUNSHINE of the Geyser Ridge Llama Commune, "and just in time - those
town scum have been overcharging us for EVERYTHING, for YEARS. Now
their karma's caught up with'em, and they can all kiss Kali. Ommm..."
* * *
The Sasquatch pride reported in Goonieville awhile back is suspected
of crossing Anderson Valley near Boonville on their way north. The
dumpsters behind Boontling Liquors and Ozone Organic Foods were over-
turned yesterday, and KEN "Kahuna" KIRBY's prized Hawaiian Koa wood
surfboard appears to have been chewed up. KIRBY guesses that he
shouldn't have used so much hemp oil in the board's finish.
* * *
Comptche is buttoning-up in anticipation of the Sasquatches' arrival.
Your reporter apologizes for not filing more dispatches these last few
days, and won't insult your intelligence with lame excuses. So there.
** Download a free Voice Stress Analysis lie detector. They hate
** it when you do that! >>> http://4bypass.com/truthvsa.html <<< >
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Human Slave for sale... (was Re: Redwood Trees for Sale)
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/04/15
There is (maybe) a project I'll be working on Real Soon Now - I've
gathered up a lot of free mapping data, and I have the warez to
massage it, to this end: I'll build a 3D view of the Russian River
Valley, with the River at its normal level of 10 feet - flood level
around here is 35-40 feet - and then I'll run simulations showing the
effects of flood stages of 40, 50, 60 feet etc. And THEN I'll leave
the river where it is, and raise the sea-level, simulating a SERIOUS
melting of icecaps, and see at what point my town becomes a seaport -
Port Forestville CA. And THEN I'll expand the view to cover all of
the greater Bay/Delta region, Cloverdale to King City, Placerville to
Porterville, and see what submerges simultaneously. New fjords, bays,
islands, peninsulae, all with a wave of my hand, some incantations,
etc. SUCH POWER!!! Think I'll drown L.A. too. No loss...
Everyone, send me your coordinates and elevation [borrow someone's GPS
receiver if you have to] and I'll tell you how much Global Warming is
needed to set you afloat. Or I may just vector in a.... no, no, no.
I wouldn't do that to YOU. #8-)
** Download a free Voice Stress Analysis lie detector. They hate
** it when you do that! >>> http://4bypass.com/truthvsa.html <<<
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Return [was: HWY 92 Construction Mystery]
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/05/20
glena@mtnweb.com (Glen Appleby) wrote:
> Glad to see ya back, Ric.
Good to *be* back. I recorded train sounds in Barstow, sucked smog in
LA for a few days, hiked in the southern Sierras [around Walker Pass]
for a week, dodged blizzards in and east of the northern Sierras for a
week [stuck in the RV a lot with the laptop, rebuilt my website], then
biked like crazy all over S.F. for a few days. Was at the Bay2Breakers
finish line, escaped just as 75k people arrived - scary. Then today I
strolled down the main drag in Santa Rosa, walked into a pawnshop and
found a beautiful Ovation 12-string for $300!!! It's mine now...
But I digress. I'll be interviewing my contacts, gathering material
for the next Dispatch From Sonoma Cownty, which should be ready Real
Soon Now. And there's more to do at the website - build the Barbara
Hambly Bookcover Gallery, the Harry Oliver Memorial Archive [if any
readers here have issues of his DESERT RAT SCRAP BOOKs, please email
me], the library of apocryphal biblical texts and Roll-Yer-Own-Bible
feature, and a SFAI/MFAx vidshow. And other stuff. Busy busy. Yow.
Now, where'd I put that time-compression program???
Ric "and where's my mandolin?" Carter, http://www.sonic.net/~ric
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: where are you coming from?
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/06/26
All day long now I'm munching carrots. Busy busy busy.
* News from Sonoma Cownty(r) - 25 June 1998 *
*
Musicians, technicians, audiences, pushers and surveillance teams are
already gathering near Lobelia Ampitheatre west of Cazadero for the
Ft.Ross FVD Benefit Concert and Hash-Brownie Bake Sale this weekend.
A record crowd is anticipated, and the Goonieville Sheriff Substation
holding pen has already been expanded with a circus tent [redolent of
amyl nitrate] confiscated during the Russian River Rodeo and Leather
Fest just last weekend. Deputies call this a lucky coincidence.
*
A giant squid, a huge white sperm whale and several harpooned Orcas
were found beached on the sandbar at the mouth of the Russian River
yesterday morning. Tracks detected in the sand indicate at least one
peg-legged person left the scene. Sheriff's deputies and auxilieries
conducted a hovel-to-hovel search in the nearby hamlet of Jenner but
found nobody unimpaired enough to have walked that far. The thorough
investigation will continue until the FRVFD concert begins Saturday.
*
Deputies responded to a disturbance at the Pink Elephant Tavern in
Monte Rio last night. One man, a drifter swinging a pointed stick and
cursing, was taken into custody. His identity is unclear; "Call me
ISHMAEL" is all he would say. A public defender has been appointed.
*
The X-treme Sports Skateboard Giant Luge competition scheduled to take
place on Hwy.29 down Mt.St.Helena was called off as organizers failed
to deposit the proper funds in the Napa-Lake Peace Officers Benevolent
Ass'n account. Due to a lower bid from the Sonoma County Sheriff's
Retirement Fund managers, the event will be held on Geyser Peak Rd.
*
UFO sightings on Mt.Jackson have diminished in recent weeks.
Ric "I always believe what they tell me" Carter
__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/
__/__/__/__/__/ Life: It's nothing like the brochure __/__/__/__/
__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: What is our place in the big scheme of things...
Newsgroups: rec.backcountry
Date: 1998/06/28
lgh@cts(Just_Remove).com (lgh) wrote:
> What is your place in YOUR big scheme of things???
Little scheme: a mote of consciousness buzzing within a brain.
Bigger scheme: sitting on my back porch on a hilltop high above the
Russian River, staring into the redwoods, noting the Stellar's Jays
hopping around, then turning back to the laptop for more of this.
Even bigger: Photo of galaxy with captioned arrow: You are here ==> *
Back to scale: raft-floating down the Russian with a big yellow dog -
I keep a line tied to Jake, and he jumps in and pulls us to shore when
necessary. A one dogpower engine, eh? Take-out at Steelhead Beach,
walk up the hill to home - repeat as needed.
Smaller scale: Just more of that consciousness stuff.
Our schema and subschema and realms are multi-dimensional. Fun too.
Ric "aw shit, he's gone philosophical again" Carter
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: A Present for Richard, in Wales
Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk
Date: 1998/07/09
Zowie! Up here in the northern reaches of bamf, it's been summer
for the last few days but now it's winter again, at least for the
morning. The biker next door traded in his Kawasaki for a custom
Harley with a V8, twin radiators and an orange flame paint job, and
has ridden the thunder off towards the horizon. The geology prof next
door is leading expeditions into the structure of our rocky hill, a
fine piece of stable scenery. The psychic bookkeeper next door is
predicting a mild summer and market upturns. The summer householders
next door are running around in skimpy pieces of cloth, the women too.
The vineyard and berry farms down the hill are especially lush, the
redwood and cedar forests on surrounding hills are especially pungent;
the Russian River is filling with canoes, the bar down the road is
filling with leather queens, the roadside turnouts are filling with
hippy busses. UFOs have moved offshore. Abalones are disappearing.
Fire crews have migrated to Florida. Changes are happening.
Ric "further dispatches as they percolate" Carter
Reality is whatever bites your ass * http://www.sonic.net/~ric
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
From: ric carter (drsb@klaxo.net)
Subject: Re: Peeved at Bicyclists
Newsgroups: ba.bicycles
Date: 1998/08/08
meg@Steam.Stanford.EDU (Meg Worley) wrote:
> No one here is arguing that the Truly Clueless aren't out there
> -- you know, those people who ride wherever they please, on & off
> the sidewalk, in & out of traffic, on the wrong & right sides of
> the street, lightless, brainless, and survival-impaired.
I live and ride in west Sonoma County, along the Russian River. Back
when I was a bike messenger in S.F. 25 years ago, I *earned* a Reckless
Bicycling ticket - but when I ride there now, it's always legally and
safely. Out here around Forestville and Goonieville, it's a little
trickier. Like, riding the wrong side of River Road a ways, because
trying to cross it [twice!] means waiting for non-occurring breaks in
fast non-stop motorized traffic. It's 15 miles between stoplights...
Or riding a sidewalk through narrow bridges and road pinches, which is
preferable to being smeared by gravel/lumber/winery trucks. Sometimes
riding "wherever they please" translates to "wherever they survive".
* Reality is whatever bites your ass * http://www.sonic.net/~ric *
Ric Carter's RIVER RAT SCRAP BOOK
The above was retrieved via GoogleGroups: Sonoma Cownty or Russian River
I hope you enjoyed it. More may be added without warning. Yow. --Ric
HISTORICAL SUPPLEMENT: The Bear, the Corn, and the Hogs
You talk about bears! Why, when I first came to Rooshan River bears
was plentier than cattle is now, and they was a little bit the smartest
bears that I or anybody else ever seed. Why, do you know, there was a
neighbor of mine had a fine field of corn, and he also had a find lot
of hogs. In the fall, when the corn began to get ripe, the bears would
come into the field and make awful work among the corn; they were jest
liter'ly cleanin' it out, and the hogs was a-disappearin' too, and the
old fellow couldn't find where the bears had killed any of the hogs,
and he was clean beat out. At last, when all of his hogs and a good
deal of his corn had disappeared, he thought it was about time to
investigate. So he started out. After huntin' around for some time
he found a trail leadin' off from the corn field in the direction of a
patch of timber about three miles away. He followed the trail, and
when he got to the timber he discovered his hogs nicely inclosed in a
pen, and the bears was a-packin' the corn out there, and feedin' it to
the hogs, fattenin' them for their own eatin' for their winter meat!
From Phinny's Calendar, or Western Almanac, for the Year of Our Lord
1875..., by George R. Perkins, LL.D., (n.p.). Buffalo, New York;
Published by James M. Lent.
A correspondent of a California contemporary writes: "The following
rather tough bear story was told in my hearing by an old settler in
Russian River Valley. I give it as I got it." —G.R.P.
From A TREASURY OF WESTERN FOLKLORE, ed. by B.A. Botkin, New York: 1951
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